The End is Nigh

Alsace

Mostly farmland, but we encountered the occasional wonderful silent forest. The autumn colours were nice but tricky to capture in pea soup fogs.








I thought a B&B on the Rhine just outside Strassborg might be a good idea. After losing 2 hours of our lives in peak hour traffic snarls we fled in any random direction we could and stumbled upon a nice enough little village with a Hotel/Restaurant.

We spent a couple of days exploring Maginot Line fortifications from WW2. War on that scale seems unimaginable now. The only sour note was ten redneck ex-army Brits from Lancashire on a bus tour. I was staggered at their excuse for not giving our volunteer tour guide a tip. No way known would they put money into a German helmet. I frowned harshly at them. Lucky for them they caught me in an otherwise good mood.





Metz
A couple we met gave glowing recommendations about a nearby town, Metz. They suggested driving into the centre of town, parking in the Cathedral Car Park and then a short walk to the Grand Hotel. They said the hotel was "OK, but not exceptional". We pessimistically tried to translate their American to Aussie and consequently expected the hotel to be a bit of a run down five star that would charge my annual salary for one night.

We followed their directions with ease and tentatively set off on foot with our luggage to discover the nearest cheap enough hotel. By accident we came across the Grand Hotel and decided to ask the price anyway. We were shocked to hear the price was lower than any previous accomodation we had (except a backpackers in the Swiss Alps). We'll take two! Nights that is, er hang on, can we see the room first. The first room was suprisingly fine, the alternative room was a cupboard full of smoke. We took the first room.






Paris
We left Metz in another pea soup fog and had to burn down the tollway to Paris, some 330Km away.

We stopped briefly at a petrol station and accidentally organised all our bags and tidied up the car ready to drop it off. We reviewed the directions dowloaded from Google Maps, it looked easy. Straight off the Tollway into the very heart of Paris, same road it just changed its name 10 times and veered slightly in a couple of places. A final right turn near Gare Du Nord and then a right to presumably enter the underground car park. Some guesswork was involved in this analysis...

The 2 lane tollway was a joy. Light traffic and great signs. All of a sudden four other roads merge in to our lazy little road and all hell is breaking loose. Overtakers left and right, some bastard trying to sit in our back seat, sirens, lights, chaos...

Overhead signs indicating each of the 10 lanes are heading to different places. Google Maps didn't mention this bit. Which one is straight ahead with gentle veerings exactly? We want that nice purple one we saw last night, none of them are purple.

Oh, look at that, the Seinne appears to be on our left hand side, perfect! And its only six lanes now, Oh, now also a bus lane and no way can I get over to the petrol station to return the car full, especially with those three cop cars storming past on the right.

We keep trying to go kinda straightish in a non-commital lane somewhere in the middle of this chaos. Can't move too slow or you lose the options of making lane changes if one of those slight veers requires a particular lane. Consequently, we are hurtling mostly out of control down a jammed 6 lane highway with mostly faster vehicles all around. Oops, the slight veer needed us to be in the right hand lane. Now we're on the wrong side of the river going where exactly? No GPS, no map, the laptop is well packed up in the bags?? We luckily find a way to make three rights and return over the same bridge and back on to the correct road, er is it, no, yes, er, yes it is, OK, phew!

On we go down down the genty veering road but now its only two lanes plus parked cars, and double parked cars, and much heavier. Slowing to a manageable pace now but lane positioning will still be critical and what was the name of the road we have to turn at.

A sign to Gare Du Nord and Gare De L'est pops out at us, turn, wrong, oh no, this is two lanes of traffic each way and a real car park. A U-Turn and 40 minutes later we are back on the original road. The next time we turn is luckily the right one. And there is a beatiful sign directing us underground to 6 different car hire companies, but not ours. They must be all together surely? So down we go, six levels deep and still no sign of Budget, we are now at the bottom. A sign warns Hertz renters to make sure they only hand keys over to a person wearing a Hertz jacket. We decide to park anywhere we can and to go up into the station on foot to find the Budget desk.

Miraculously we find it immediately and are assured there is now no problem. We go back down get all our bags. We each have a backpack and each a bag on wheels and this annoying extra bag that we drag along one handle each. The wheely bags are leaving four little grooves in the concrete behind us, what has Tricia got in these things?

Luckily there is a lift to get us to Budget.

We hand over the keys and the paperwork. The person on the desk just has a quick look at the papers, takes the keys and writes down which parking bay number the car is in. That's it we can go. No interrogations, nothing to sign. So off we go. Later I think, was she wearing a Budget jacket?

As well as the foolproof driving directions, we also have foolproof metro directions. Line 4 to X, then change to Line 7 to Y then a short walk to the Hotel.

This didn't allow for the stairs, which now have speed rails grooved into them. It also didn't allow for the paranoia of pick pockets everwhere, nor for the 28 degree heat wave.

Sweat was pouring off us.

We navigated the metro Ok and got out at the right stop and up to ground level. I suspect any potential pick pockets were either in awe or simply not up to such a daunting challenge.

I waited with the bags in a gradually deepening depression filling with sweat, outside a travel agency while Tricia tried to work out which side of the road we should be on and in which direction we should crawl.

No idea.

Since the sun was melting me from over there, I was pretty sure where North was, and could vaguely recollect that we needed to go North then East then North.

Tricia was unconvinced and marched off quickly in that direction to prove me wrong. I tried to grab all the 5 bags and crawl after her. Ouch, I know that pain, that's what my back does when it wants me to lie motionless for 3 days.

Luckily Tricia glanced back to notice I wasn't following and came back to hustle me along.

Even luckier was the Hotel was exactly where I guesstimated it should be. Phew, I'd really have known pain if that didn't work out.


L'OpenBusTour

Had enough of driving and Metro for a while so we pay for 2 days of being driven around in an open top bus, hop on and off as we like at the attractions. This was OK the first day and we did the Eiffel Tower and a bunch of other dreary things. On the climb up the tower a pickpocket somehow snapped the band of Tricia's watch but it fell into her hand.

The next day we decided not to join the other insane people on the open top bus with their umbrellas.

We went to the Louvre. Boring, but I really wanted to see my favourite 2 Monet's on the whole planet. So straight up to the top floor of the "Salle" wing and into room B. Undecipherable plaques with red lines through them are where the Monet's should be.

I ask a staff member where they are and he gives me a condescending look and dismissively mutters something about all Monet's are in the Musee D'Orsay with all the other impressionist works. Undeterred, I ask another to be told they are "Reserved". Can I see them in another place? "Reserved". Undeterred, I ask another, "a water leak from the roof forced us to remove them to storage". Can they be seen somehow, no.

There now being no point in being in the Louvre, we depart.

Catch the boat down the Seinne to go to some gardens and get exhausted before eating and dragging our weary bodies back to the Hotel.

Today was rainy again so we did the Musee D'Orsay. We know there are lots of second rate Monet's here. Wrong. Only the third rate ones are here. The two main rooms have been taken over by a special exhibition of crap Picassos and a half decent Manet or two.

We wandered off in disgust, back over the river near the Louvre, and magically this lady in front of us noticed this really big gold ring on the ground. Wow she said, is it gold? I think it is. She asked was it mine? No, I showed her my pithy little gold ring. She offered to let me have it. No thanks and off we go. Ten yards later another woman finds another gold ring on the ground in front of me. Same deal. Do I still have everything in my pockets? Phew yes. Ten minutes later, yet another woman tries the same trick, whatever the hell it is because we still don't know the punch line, thankfully.

Paranoia is now at an all time high. Everyone I see looks like a pick pocket. An elderly english woman we meet on the metro platform tells us that a pick pocket had his hand in her bag on the escalator on the way down. I check to see if she has an accomplice fleecing me while she's the distraction. No, phew!

Later we notice the same old broken woman beggar that we saw half an hour ago and 2Km away. She must be able to teleport. Same for an old broken guy we saw, he has to drag one foot along, but can get from the Louvre to Notre Dame faster than we know how.

We got some free entertainment on the metro. A guy was in our carriage with a trumpet and full backing orchestra (on tape). Later he left and another guy got on with a guitar and orchestra on tape. It was surprisingly soothing to have good quality live music on the train. Made us forget about pick pockets for a while. Still got everything, phew.

All packed now and intend to give a taxi driver a hearnia tomorrow to get us to the airport.

Hagenau

Villiers
It snowed overnight. We awoke to a picturesue winter wonderland all around.


Penguin?
Saw a few minutes of a kids soccer match outside the National Museum, where Italian Fashionistas just had to be seen. The soccer match was the most interesting part of this sojourn.


Geneva
Our romanticised notions quickly gave way to the reality of a traffic Hell on Earth, not even the elegant Prostitute could attract either of us to stay. We did a U-turn and fled immediately. It got late and we had to settle for a hotel in a residential suburb and got ripped off badly.


Interlaken
Stopped at a supermarketty thingy because Tricia was desperate for the loo. She was told it was up the back but that someone else had the key. Tricia went and waited by a back door with lots of green writing on it including something undecipherable about the WC. It was clearly the wrong door but Tricia insisted on just standing there. I told her I had seen a woman exit from a nearby door but no this just had to be the door. I could see the door was obviously an emergency exit but Tricia insisted on impatiently waiting. I was was now very irritated, the only way to prove this was the wrong door was to open and show her the outside world. There was a green block stopping the handle from turning, as soon as I turned the green block out of the way ... Alarm, Alarm, Alarm, .. I was expecting a dozen heavily armed Storm Troopers to appear and shoot me dead, fate was however not kind to me today. An Uber stern shop assistent came instead. Just one glance reduced me to a snivelling mess. She had to call someone to disable the alarm. After 10 minutes, the alarm was still blaring and finally Tricia gave up on the hope of a toilet.

Relief finally came at a coffee shop.


Stechelberg - Lauterbrunnen, Murren
The revolving restaurant on the top of Shilthorn was built for the Bond movie "On Her Majesty's Service". It got blown to pieces but seems to be OK now. The heat inside made us feel nautious. We were unlucky with the weather.

We got off the cable car at one of the stops on the way down, Murren. And then cow pat hopped all around the fields and walking trails. The clouds broke briefly to let us see the Jungfrau Mtn on the other side of the valley.



We spent two nights in a backpackers Hovel/Haven in the prettiest valley on the planet. And it's wall to wall Aussies here! They own and run many of the businesses, including our lovely Alpenhof B&B Stechelberg.

We saved a fortune on meals because the B&B provides a self catering kitchen, fully equipped, even has a dumb waiter.


Grindelwald
Unexpectedly, the tourist info centre is the same Ice Rink we saw on our previous visit. This time an ice hockey team was training. Preferred the Olympic figure skaters we saw last time.

Much larger villages than in the Stechelberg valley. Almost as scenic, but the view from the top of the mountain "First" was jaw dropping. We had brought tuna sandwiches and blackforest cakes for lunch, but upon seeing the restaurant balcony decided to check them into a locker and buy lunch.










Reluctantly, we then headed off on our hike to some lake, up and up and up. Luckily the Swiss air force put on a free show for us while doing some training exercises.

Found another inexpensive hotel. It was ridiculously hot inside, luckily we found the thermostat which was set to Max and turned it down. Ate tuna sandwiches and blackforest cake for dinner.

Catch Up from Chamonix-Mont-Blanc

Grenoble
We arrived just in time for the last hour in the Art Gallery. The Old Masterpieces were good, the new stuff total crap. In one room some joker had dumped little piles of white rice on the floor in a 40x40 grid. Five of the piles were yellow. Even with a vaccuum cleaner its going to be a big job to clean up that mess!


Aix-en-Bains
Our travel book said to avoid this place on weekends, but we happened to be passing through on a Sunday afternoon. Traffic was hell. It's a quaint enough little place on the side of a very nice lake. There also happened to be some special event on. We couldn't comprehend exactly what it was all about, but we enjoyed watching the little kids on the climbing frame and flying fox, the electric bikes from www.hollandbikes.com, and the stunt cyclists doing jumps and various insane feats.



Annecy
We visited this fabulous little village on our previous trip to France. Just as nice this time so we
spent 2 nights here. Tricia got creative with the camera this time.




Chamonix Mont Blanc
We spent most of the day trying to travel the 50Km to Chamonix Mont Blanc through gorgeous mountain scenery. The numerous photo stops, and a visit to yet another Musee de la Resitance delayed us somewhat.

We finally arrived and were actually able to see part of the mountain through the low clouds. We are told tomorrow should be better so have decided to spend 2 nights. I am curious to see if Tricia will change her position that nothing on earth will get her into a cable car that ascends at a ridiculous angle up a bunch of rocks that don't even have any water falling off them to get to a restaurant "at the top of the world" that closed for the season yesterday.

Here is the view from our hotel room tonight.



The next day Tricia really get into the cable car for the first leg. We then went straight to the waiting area for the second cable car to take us to the top. I couldn't resist taking a photo or two and when I turned around Tricia had vanished. I searched everywhere, the cable car was about to go, then I spotted her trying to escape by the walking path back to the bottom. I caught up to her and she claimed to have been disoriented. We did then get into the car to the top and could hardly see a thing, cloud and vertical snow was everywhere. It was very cold. Then we saw the elevator to the real top. Would it be worth bothering? Judge for yourselves.







The last one triggered a coffee disaster.

We took that elevator trip 3 times. Between us, we took 351 photos today (I am fairly sure Tricia took one).

We were pessimistic about the weather today, so we bought a 2 day Multipass. Surely tomorrow can't be any better?

Finally got free WIFI and not too tired to post a catch-up

Marseilles

Big city, pretty harbour.




Avignon

A pretty little village. Famous for being the home of the Popes for the 14th century. From the outside the Popes Palais looks very impressive. To see the inside will cost almost $20 per person and perhaps one hour in a queue (at weekends). There is NOTHING inside worth seeing. The Pope took everything of interest when he relocated to Rome. Later lootings got the junk he didn't want.



The village centre is pleasing for a wander.


Le Pont Du Gard


A very pleasant river setting, favourite of learner kayakers. There is a pile of well organised rocks forming a bit of a bridge. Nice to just walk around and soak up the sights and sounds of the countryside.


Nimes
We are sure the amphitheatre is worth a look, we didn't see it.


Arles
Another quaint enough village. Getting over these now.

The amphitheatre is NOT worth a look. A 170 million euro restoration project is under way. Why they would bother is not clear. They must have a better use for such an enormous amount of money.


Carmargh Bird Park

Saw many Flamingos and other birds. We were eaten alive by mosquitos for 3 hours.

Went to the nearby beach but decided enough of beaches and pretty medieval villages perched preposterously on mountain tops, we were heading for the hills.


Sisteron

Much samller town, exceptionally pretty and what a Citadel (on top of a very bill hill).




Saint Michel L'Observatoire

We found the smallest hotel in one the smallest villages in France. An observatory is on a hill nearby. We bravely chose the Demi Pension, but this time the food was not too scary until Tricia faced an unspeakable desert. I courageosly gave up my Creme Brulet and sacrificed myself on hers, which I actually liked. Tricia retorted "well of course you like it, it's tasteless muck and you are English". The proprietor pretended not to speak English to make fun of us. Everyone has been very friendly, this was the first time we encountered a sense of humour about our plight. His wife is Scottish so Tricia had some very long chats with her.


Lauzet Du Lac

A wonderfully pretty lake, which inspired the Monet in me.



Later enjoyed dinner in our Hotel with a bus load of Germans. The food was excellent again. I discovered how to re-boot the Hotel Receptionist by speaking a sentence with french then english then french again. She just stopped, stunned, glazed over, then suddenly bounced back to life with a "oui". After dinner we played some very silly games of table tennis.


Whiteout



At 160 Km from the sunny beaches where we started in Nice, finally it is snowing very heavily on us at the Italian border in the Alps (2100 metres).

We turned around at the border and headed back to the Maginot Line block house that should now be open. If it really is open it will be first planned successful encounter with a museum type thingy.

We were stunned, it was open, we were stunned again inside. Recommend ducking on going through steel doorways.



Back to the "Route Des Grand Alps" and places which featured in the Tour De France, like this.



Finally to our Hotel in Briancon, and a take away pizza devoured in the laundrette.


Driving

Driving in France has a different feel than in OZ. In OZ our lanes are comfortably wide that it seems offensive when another vehicle strays from its lane. Here in France the "lanes" (if there are any) are rarely wide enough for two cars to comfortably pass. Lane markings are little more than an optimistic guide.

However, everyone seems alert and courteous. Sometimes you and the oncoming vehicle just have to stop and the one nearest to a slightly wider part of the road reverses and pulls over to allow the other to pass.


Getting to a Hotel

The places of most interest to visitors are usually in the very centre of town. We found it best to drive directly into the centre and then find the first pay carpark we came across. Then grab the essentials and off on foot to find a hotel. Few hotels in the centre of town have parking, it's not worth hoping for.

The walk from Car park to hoel could be anything up to 1km, usually up steep windy hills. In the first hotel we grab a tourist map of town even if the hotel is "complete (full)", too expensive, or too horrible.

Once we have picked a Hotel expect to be carrying your bags up 3 or 4 flights of stairs, there might be an elevator, but likely not. If there is one it can really test your patience.

Sorting out a change of clothes at the car and therefore only carrying the absolute necessities for an overnight stay seemed our best option.

Since the hotels never provide tea/coffee making facilities in the room one of the esentials is an electric jug.

Swiss Haven

We left Saint Raphael heading for Saint Tropez via the coast road. Traffic was so bad we were virtually in a car park so we opted for the real one on another pretty and sandy beach. The cafe shop had a bit of shade and much appreciated cool drinks. However two normal cans cost us 7 euro which is $12. Prices here are awful for us aussies. The virtual car park was just as bad when we were leaving so we went back towards Saint Raphael and headed for the tollway.

We then had a brief stop at our first shopping mall and grabbed some much cheaper supplies. Tricia also needed to buy a kettle and tea bags because the hotels here never provide you with such things. They are happy to sell you a tea for anything from $3.50 to $6.00 though.

We had now given up on the idea of Saint Tropez and headed for Toulon instead (near Marseille). However, a random decision led us to Hyeres instead.

Next day we caught the ferry to a different island to the one intended. It was hot and the island was pretty. We did much snorkelling, and walking, and got blisters from the sand rubbing in our shoes.

We got off the ferry feeling happy but exhausted and grabbed the first hotel we came to "Mein Holiday Kampf".

It seemed as if a little piece of Germany had be transported to the middle of France. The main language for all signs and the main spoken language was German. All the guests (holiday plan members) were German also.

The room is the best we've had. Neat and cleen to a fault. We had a balcony. Dinner was a buffet which we shared with 400 Germans. The best food we've had in France? so far. The massive pools were heated. I got sunburnt on a banana lounge at 7PM.

I thought I'd settle down to the Man Utd match to discover there was no TV in our room, not even an antenna socket? I discovered the kids room had a TV and switched it over from the muppets. This was a bad move. Thirty pairs of eyes and very young lungs eventually won out.

The next day we discovered this was actually a Swiss owned resort. Since the food was such a relief from that French nightmare, we decided to stay another night.

The Bad and the Beautiful

Grasse seemed uninteresting. However, it was a much needed break from the beauty of everything else we had seen in the past week. And the laundry got done.

On leaving Grasse we encountered cute village after gorgeous valley, after stunning coastline.

Mougins was a definite highlight, one of the best examples of a very tiny historic village on the top of a hill we have ever seen, and there are hundreds of them around here.

Biot was interesting to see a real life master glass blower at work.

The journey to Cannes and then on to Saint Raphael was very pretty. We skipped past Cannes, it looked very busy.

Saint Raphael is gorgeous and we caught the last hour of the Sunday market on the harbour.

The next day we did a bit of hiking in the mountains behind the seaside village of Agay and cooled off with a swim and sit on the beach there.

The drive from Saint Raphael to Cannes along the cost road is similar to the Great Ocean Road, but in a more civilised way.

We found our next home there

We finished with dinner on the Saint Raphael harbour at sunset,

Even the food was perfect today, the customary rouge vin was as nice as ever but not required to cover up for nightmarish ‘food’ this time.

Tricia says it was just because I stole her pomme frittes. Maccas was next door but plan B was not needed.

Escape from Alcatraz

The next morning, our term served, we anticipated freedom. However, our term was extended by one hour when one of our French inmates attempted to negotiate the meaning of “minimum”. We just signed the required paperwork and fled.

The roads were spectacular and windy again. Again I needed reminding about how to drive.
We spent a few hours revisiting the old walled village of St Paul Du Vence.

We stumbled upon a Hovel (er Hotel) overlooking Grasse, which is famous for its perfume. Apparently nowadays this is primarily produced from internal combustion engines. We had a refreshing dip in the piscine.

Dinner was exactly what we had now come to expect, at least this time we had a choice about our own fates. The chef was eventually persuaded to use his crème broulet heat gun on the meat. Oddly, this had never occurred to him before. I hope it catches on.

We stayed an extra night to do the laundry and recouperate from the challenges of the past few days.